


We can go home now

by herorogers (singlezayn2k14)



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-16 16:36:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5832841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singlezayn2k14/pseuds/herorogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Age of Ultron. The Avengers feel like you deserve to know what Steve was dreaming about after Wanda played tricks on his mind.<br/>[Or: Your boyfriend Steve Rogers still dreams about Peggy, you want to leave him, but Captain America isn't one to give up without a fight.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work is fictional and this chapter is the pilot for the story.

You knew something was wrong when you saw Wanda Maximoff sitting on the couch of the Avenger Tower's living room. She was on her own, the other Avengers were out at a public appearance thing, promoting the new Shield initiative.  


„Hey, Wanda.“ You muttered, eyebrows furrowed a little because she usually only came to the Tower when it was absolutely necessary. Wanda has become a very good friend of yours quite quickly since she joined Shield, prp you felt very protective over her as she wasn't just the youngest member of the team, but also because she has lost her brother and was on her own now. Her talents also were very intriguing to you, she was a fascinating person.  


Wanda turned, her hair falling over her shoulders in a slightly messy way, as if she'd been running her hand through it a lot, and gave you a small smile.  


“Hey, (Y/N). The others are still at that conference, but.. well. I don't even know where to start this.” She started, laughing nervously as you frowned and sat down next to her.  


“Did anything happen? Is anyone hurt?” You interrupted her, worry starting to build up as she obviously didn't know how to get the message across.  


“No, we're all just fine, this is more.. Okay, let me just start telling you why I'm here. You know how my brother and I used to be on Ultron's team in the beginning?” She asked, once again causing you to frown.  


“I do, of course,” You replied, nodding a little.  


“And you know that I manipulated the team in Africa? Causing them to fall into a sort of, like, a trance? Where they were dreaming, or going through their worst nightmares?” She continued asking, and you didn't understand what she was trying to say.  


“I know that, Wanda, and I'm not mad at you, I trust you-” You started in confusion, but Wanda shook her head, causing you to purse you're lips and wait for her to finish what she was saying.  


“So, in the trance, Natasha was back in the academy that made her an assassin, Tony thought his team died and Thor was in a different galaxy. And they were talking about what they imagined in the trance a couple days ago, and when we heard what the Captain had imagined, the rest of us were debating whether we should tell you or not.” She explained, sighing softly as she looked up at you. “And we decided that you deserve to know what his trance was like. We all like you a lot, (Y/N), which is why we thought about it a lot before deciding to tell you. Steve doesn't know that I'm here and we're not sure if he'd want that, but we figured it would be the best for your relationship.”  


Steve and you had been together for a while now, you weren't a superhero, just a normal girl, in your last year of university and so far, things had been going great.  


You didn't know Steve was Captain America and an Avenger when you met him, you just fell for him because he was such a genuinely amazing man. When you learned about his job and met his team, you were too in love to care. You wouldn't care if he was a mailman or working a desk job, you loved him before you knew he was a superhero and nothing about his job changed that.  


It did take Steve a while to open up about his past, though. You never tried to push him into telling you more than he wanted to, but he started opening up about what he was before the super serum, what it did to him, how his life was before and how it changed. You learned a lot about his past and what it brought along, tragedies like the story of his friend Bucky, as well as victories, such as winning the war. And you would just listen to him whenever he felt like talking about it, you would reassure him and you would be there for him in every possible way.  


But since you knew about all the terror your boyfriend has been through, you were worried about what he had seen in his trance. Battlefields, Bucky falling, appearing and disappearing, the pain of being a science experiment, you couldn't imagine what terrible memories Wanda could've brought up, and you suddenly felt a little protective over your boyfriend.  


“Well, I guess that's very nice of you, but I guess I can live without any images of a cruel war in my head.” You replied, trying to play the concern off with a light laugh.  


Wanda looked at you and bit her lip as she shook her head a little.  


“Trust me, (Y/N). We all think you should see it. We're not trying to harm your relationship in any way, really, but we would all want to see that if it was our partner who had imagined that in a trance.” Wanda insisted, and now you were really feeling a little weird. The Avengers were some of the smartest people you had ever met, so they probably were right.  


Steve never told you about what Wanda did to him, and you never asked because you assumed it wasn't any of your business.  


So eventually, you nodded, biting your lip nervously as Wanda brought her fingers up to your temple and you closed your eyes.  


Within seconds, the neat surroundings of the Avengers Tower were gone, replaced by a dimly lit room. There were decorations on the wall and jazz music was quietly playing in the background. There were men in uniforms standing around, some of them were dancing with women wearing dotted dresses, laughing and chatting happily. You turned a bit to your right, and there he was, standing on his own, in a uniform that suited him perfectly, one you hadn't seen before. It wasn't his signature Captain America uniform. With a soft smile on your lips, you took a closer look at the decorations on the walls, and you realized what was going on. You were back in the 1940s, WWII was over, America had won the war and the men were all soldiers celebrating the victory. You turned back to Steve, still smiling to yourself as you approached him. You stopped in your tracks, though, when you heard a different voice, a female one you'd never heard before, saying his name.  


There was a girl standing in front of him, a beautiful young woman with dark brown locks and she was telling Steve that the war was over, and that they could go home now. When you looked back at Steve, there was a look on his face that spoke for itself. He was looking at the girl with so much love and passion in his eyes, as if he couldn't believe his eyes. And when he put his arm around her to dance, you realized who the woman was that made him feel so happy. It was Peggy Carter.  


You knew about Peggy, you knew that Steve loved her, that she was his first love. He loved her before he became a super soldier, and he told you that he visited her from time to time. You always thought it was sweet of him to look after someone after all these years, but this was different.  


This wasn't something your mind was setting up, this was what Steve was imagining when he was in trance. He was dreaming about Peggy, about dancing with her, he was dreaming about being with Peggy again and going home with her. These were his imaginations, what he was dreaming about. It was being with Peggy again.  


And god, that hurt. You were just standing there, watching the man you loved so much dancing and whispering with someone you could never compete with, someone who was always going to have a piece of his heart you could never have. He loved Peggy, he loved her so much, and deep inside, he still did. And that hurt so indescribably much.  


You didn't want to see any of that anymore.  


You felt betrayed, you wanted to get out of whatever scene you were in, and Wanda could feel it.  


She carefully removed her fingers from your temples, and started placing a hand on your arm, but you quickly shook your head.  


“No, I-” You started, shaking your head again as you stood up. “I- Thanks, Wanda. Would you,-” You didn't even have to finish your sentence, she nodded and got up as well.  


“Of course, I'll give you the time you need to recover from this. Nat and Clint know about this as well, they're going to come over as soon as the conference is over.” She explained softly, searching your face for any sort of reaction. But you just nodded, throat dry and tight as you tried your best to keep yourself together. Wanda hugged you briefly, then smiled in an apologetic way, before she left you to sort out your thoughts. She obviously didn’t want to hurt you, you were thankful for her showing you these.. images.  


As soon as the elevator doors closed behind the Scarlet Witch, you inhaled shakily and swallowed thickly.  
“FRIDAY? Could you please help me gather my things?” You asked quietly, you couldn't deal with being in the Tower any longer. Steve still lived in the Tower because he hadn't found an apartment in Brooklyn yet, and some of your things were in his room for when you were visiting him, but you knew you wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.  


“Of course, Miss (Y/L/N). Do you want me to inform anyone of your departure?”  
FRIDAY asked as you went to Steve's bedroom, immediately feeling sick when you entered it.  


“No, not yet. But you can leave a note for Natasha when I'm gone.” You mumbled as you shoved your belonging into the bag, thick tears running down your cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you so much for your feedback, I appreciate it a lot.  
> I know the chapters are quite short at the moment, but I'll try to write longer ones from now on.  
> I also decided to add flashbacks to the beginning of the new chapters for some extra emotions.  
> Enjoy!

_“Excruciating.” He whispered, eyes heavy and voice raspy as he stared down at his hands which were slowly and carefully moving a strand of hair behind your ear. It was one of those days you just spent on the couch, catching up on film classics he wanted to watch, an empty bowl of popcorn standing on the couch table. It was late at night and the two of you just stayed on the couch after watching some iconic movies of the 80's. You had been dozing a little, your head resting on your boyfriend's chest, but you weren't really sleeping. So when Steve spoke up after a while of peaceful silence, you blinked your eyes open and looked up at him. “Hm?” You asked softly, not able to figure out what he meant. “You asked me if the super serum- if the procedure, hurt.” He explained quietly, swallowing dryly before he stared at his hands again. You asked that somewhere in between Back To The Future and The Breakfast Club, but it was easy to tell that he didn't want to talk about it. You nodded a little bit, turning just the slightest bit in his embrace so you could look at his face. “And it was excruciating.” He murmured, and there was that little hint of sadness in his eyes he got when he opened up about something he hadn't talked about before. That little hint that showed he was thinking about the time before they froze him, that little hint that showed he still had a hard time understanding why they did it to him. You learned from previous nights like these that he didn't need to get cheered up, he just needed someone who would listen to him and who was there for him. Not for Captain America, the marvelous super soldier, but for Steve Rogers, a normal young man, with an extraordinary story, who needed help sometimes. And you were that person. Steve had been doing well with adapting to the new world and he was very grateful that you helped him with it; watching films and documentaries, listening to music that shaped generations, going to museums and the library, always patient and willing to help. That was one of the reasons he loved you; you never got tired of him or his questions. He knew it wasn't easy to explain things, over and over again sometimes, but you were always there for him when he needed you._  
_In every possible way, you were there for him. Always._

~

It was two in the afternoon when the Avengers returned to the Tower. The conference was very successful, SHIELD allowed Tony to start working on a new generation of the Iron Legion, hopefully taking some work off the Avengers' shoulders, and they wanted to celebrate that. “Get the good champagne out, FRIDAY!” Tony announced as the superheroes entered the large living room, cheerful as they could be, and gathered around on the couches. 

“Let's just look like normal people again before celebrating, shall we?” Clint asked, pointing to the uniforms they were still wearing. The suits and outfits were very useful when fighting the bad guys or making public appearances, but they weren't the most suitable for a round of champagne between friends, or as one could say at that point, family. As FRIDAY was working on the task Tony gave her, the Avengers scattered to their rooms to put on some normal clothes. Each of them had their one room at the Avengers Tower, mostly to store their uniforms and to have a place to cool down after training, but it wasn't uncommon for them to spend their free time at the Tower as well.

“Did you tell (Y/N)?” Natasha asked Wanda once the Captain was out of sight, unzipping the armed leather jacket she was wearing. Wanda nodded, sighing a little as she pulled her hair together. “I did, yes. And she was surprisingly calm, just asked me to give her some space.” Wanda replied, she didn't need any of her neurological witch craft to tell that something was odd about that. “Should we still tell the Captain? He might be taken by surprise when she confronts him about it.” She asked then, both girls stopping when FRIDAY spoke to Natasha. “Miss Romanov, Miss (Y/L/N) asked me to leave you note before she left after Miss Maximoff's visit. It's in your room.” The AI stated, causing Natasha to frown and glance over at the young witch, waving her over to her room.

The note was laying on Natasha's desk, a simple white piece of paper, folded in the middle and addressed to Nat. Natasha picked up the letter and opened it sort of cautiously, glancing at Wanda before she read the short note. “And?” Wanda asked, a little nervous herself as she watched the Black Widow. She could sense something was wrong. “Looks like there won't be any confrontation happening soon.” Natasha muttered, shaking her head as she handed Wanda the note.

_'Thanks for telling me, I really appreciated it. Couldn't stand staying any longer, gonna need some time to cope with that. I'll call you soon. Love you all, (Y/N).'_

Wanda read the note and then looked back up at the redhead. “Maybe we should tell the others, I mean, they also wanted us to tell her, and then we should tell the Cap-” She didn't get to finish that sentence, there was a knock on the door and Clint was peeking in. “Uhm, I think we have a little… problem downstairs.” He muttered, giving the girls a knowing nod, making Natasha put the note down and follow him back to the living room.

As soon as they came down the stairs, Steve turned to face the girls, looking a little helpless. “Nat, have you talked to (Y/N) today? I just wanted to grab a shirt and her things are gone-” He started, looking back and forth from Natasha and Wanda, occasionally glancing at the other men in the room. 

“Steve,” Natasha started, she sucked at this kind of talk, really. But she was closest to Steve and she felt responsible for this. “Beforehand, it's important that you know we never intended to harm your relationship in any way, we all just wanted you to be happy, and you are happy with (Y/N) and we can all see that, but we also know that there was something you-” She started rambling, trying to get her point across; that they did not have any bad intentions with their plan.

“Hey, Natasha, what are you trying to say?” He interrupted her, raising his brows at her, then he looked around the room. “And why do you keep saying 'we'? Is this some sort of group thing?” He asked, it was obvious that he was starting to worry what this was about.

To everyone's surprise, Tony was first to speak up. 

“We told her about your dream with Peggy, Cap. We figured-” Tony started, but Steve once again interrupted him.

“You did fucking what?” He asked, voice raising bit by bit.

“Calm down, Steve, we just thought it'd be best if she knew-” Bruce tried explaining this time, but Steve wasn't having any of that. “Are you all out of your minds? Why the fuck would that help in any way? What were you even trying to achieve with that? What exactly did you tell her?” He asked in aggrevation, shaking his head in disbelief to what they did.

"Language, Cap-" Tony tried with a hopeful laugh, maybe with some humour would help cooling down the situation. "Don't you dare to do this now, Stark." The Captain spat, though, glaring Tony down before he turned back to the Scarlet Witch.

“I showed her your dream.” Wanda answered quietly, causing Steve to curse words under his breath the rest of the team had never heard him say. “Do you realize what you did? Have you maybe, even just for a second, considered that I didn't tell her for a reason?” He asked, looking around again, but everyone was avoiding his gaze at that point. “Oh, you didn't. Of course you didn't. You just thought it would be a fantastic idea to come up to her and tell her something like that out of the blue. You know what? You don't know shit about me, or about her, or about our relationship. How the hell did you imagine this to go? You tell her what happened and she would be okay with it? That it would help making our relationship better? I can't believe this,” He exclaimed, once again shaking his head. This couldn't be true. How could they?

“Steve, she deserved to know about what was going on in the back of your mind. We talked about it and we'd all want to know something like that.” Natasha tried again, but she wasn't successful. “You think you can decide that? Talk about it behind my back and just go ahead and tell her? Of course she deserved to know that, but not like this, she deserved to know it from me, when I felt ready to talk about what happened, when I was sure she would be able to cope with it. Not like this.” He cried out, he was furious, trying hard to keep himself together. 

“Where is she?” He spat then, looking back at Wanda this time. Natasha shook her head at his question, causing him to look over at her. “She wants to be alone, Steve. She packed her things so she could think about everything. I don't think she-” The woman started explaining, even though she usually wasn't one to get into anything sappy, she understood that you didn't want to see anyone, especially not Steve. Seeing that the one you love still dreamed about another woman must be incredibly painful.

“FRIDAY, track (Y/N)'s current location. It's an emergency.” Steve mumbled as he made his way to the elevator. “I'm sorry, Captain, but I'm not allowed to track Miss (Y/L/N)'s location. I have her personal order not to make her locatable, this order can only get dismissed by Mr. Stark or Mr. Fury.” FRIDAY replied, which caused Steve to stop one last time. He turned to face Tony, clenching his jaw as he stared at him. Tony was torn, on the one hand, he had the rest of the team and he knew you didn't want to see Steve.

“What if this was Pepper, Stark? You know I would help you find her.” Steve hissed, intently staring at Tony. Silence occurred, the rest of the team was tense as they watched the two men. Tony glanced over his shoulder at Nat and Clint, then looked back at Steve and let out a long sigh, rubbing his neck for a couple seconds.

“I annul (Y/N)'s order, FRIDAY.” He stated eventually, shaking his head a little as he looked at the Captain.

Steve stepped back when FRIDAY sent him the GPS data, and looked over at the rest of the team, jaw still clenched tightly. He couldn't believe they did this. Then, he went back to the elevator and as the doors closed, he could hear them saying that they never wanted to hurt you, but it was too late.

The damage was one, and now it was up to him to fix it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. I appreciate it a lot.  
> I finally managed to write a longer chapter, hope you enjoy!  
> Also, there's another note at the end of the chapter.

_You had been sitting in the waiting area of the hospital for hours now, walking up and down the hallways to distract yourself or trying to read one of the magazines laying around but it was pointless. Your hands had been trembling ever since Sam stood in front of your door and told you Steve was in the hospital, wounded and unconscious after what happened at SHIELD._

_The explosions were all over the news, the jets that took off, and the mysterious man with the metal arm fighting your friends. They called him the 'Winter Soldier', but you knew exactly who he was.  
It was Bucky, Steve's best friend, of whom everyone thought he was dead, that he fell off that helicopter because Steve couldn't get to him, and Steve had still been taking the blame for that seventy years after it happened. So when that mysterious Winter Soldier appeared in New York and SHIELD was infiltrated by Hydra, it was a tough pill for everyone to swallow._

Steve knew he couldn't fight Bucky, he refused to hurt his best friend, and SHIELD didn't exist anymore. The few leftover members met in the underground to build a new facility. After the first sighting of the Winter Soldier, Steve disappeared for a while to find out what was going on, and you didn't know what it was until you saw him on the news, alongside Sam and some other SHIELD agents, fighting Hydra and Bucky. What was not shown on the news was how it ended, how the jets exploded and Steve fell because he didn't fight Bucky. About an hour after the explosions, the headlines were all about 'Captain America: the fallen hero', with apparent official statements that the Captain didn't make it. Luckily, you didn't see these news, you probably wouldn't have been able to cope with that. Instead, Sam appeared at your door, telling you that they found Steve and that someone must've pulled him out of the water and saved him from drowning. And you knew immediately who it was. Since then, you couldn't think straight. 

__

Your best friend was in the hospital, he was conscious again but sleeping and wounded badly, rescued by the one who was his best friend, but tried to kill him, then saved his life. You couldn't imagine how it must be for Steve to wake up and think about that, and on the inside, you already knew Steve was going to look for Bucky. Right now, you were waiting for Sam to come back, they let him visit Steve when he woke up for a couple minutes, then he fell asleep again, and Sam promised you could go in next. You were lost in thoughts when he sat down next to you again.

__

“(Y/N), I think you can go in now. He's sleeping, but he'll wake up again soon.” He explained quietly, it wasn't easy for him either. They fought and treated the Winter Soldier like an enemy, despite knowing who he was, but now he saved Steve's life. It was hard for everyone to grasp that, really. You looked up at Sam and nodded the slightest bit, taking a deep breath before you got up and followed a nurse to Steve's room. The moment you entered the room and the nurse closed the door behind you, you couldn't hold it in anymore.

__

Seeing your best friend like that broke your heart into a million pieces. He was bruised badly, a black eye, several wounds and cuts on his face that looked terribly painful, parts of his body were bandaged and he was connected to multiple monitors and infusions, his eyes were closed, but it was so clear that he was in pain. Accelerated healing was a side effect of the super serum, but it still took time to work. You walked to the chair standing by his bed slowly, tears threatening to fall as you sat down and carefully reached out for his calloused hand.

__

The invincible hero of a nation, the glorious Captain America was wounded, inside and out, and it hurt so much to think about what emotional damage he would have to heal from. His hand was rough and a little dry, but it was warm as ever as you carefully placed your own hand over it, tracing the back of his hand and the outlines of his fingers with the pad of your thumb, trying to swallow the lump in your throat, but you couldn't. 

__

Tears were falling from your eyes as you tried to remain silent so you wouldn't wake him up. He didn't deserve any of this. 

__

You didn't know how long you had been sitting there, holding his hand and watching him through watery eyes, but the sun was starting to set when there was the tiniest bit of a flinch coming from him. Your eyes darted up to the monitors to see if anything was wrong, but his vitals were the same as before.

__

“Hey,” He whispered after a few seconds, eyes still closed and his voice heavy and rough from sleep and the medication he was on. “Steve, oh god,” You replied quietly, quickly pulling your hand away and wiping the tears from your eyes. “How're you feeling?” You asked then, sniffling softly as he blinked his eyes open. “Did you- have you been crying?” He murmured, turning his head to look at you through heavy lids. “Please don't cry because of me. I feel better than I look.” He rasped, attempting a small smile as he looked at his hand, then back up at you. “Thanks for being here.” He added quietly, causing you to smile through the last tears and nod.

__

“I couldn't leave you like this. I.. I was worried, Stevie. A lot.” You explained quietly, making him shake his head a little. “I don't want you to worry about me, (Y/N). I love you and I-” He started, throat becoming even drier when he realized what he just said. He said he loved you. Your best friend just confessed that he loved you. Your eyes widened at his words, but when you saw how his pale cheeks flushed when he saw that you heard, you felt your heart sink to your stomach again. You could see that he wanted to speak up again, an apologetic look on his still pale face.

__

“No, Steve, it's fine, really. It's the medication that's messing with you.” You muttered, trying your best to smile at him, even though your eyes and lips felt heavy and trembling again. You could see him swallow, his throat dry, and he remained silent for a couple of seconds. Then, he shook his head.

__

“It's not the medication, (Y/N). I meant what I said. But if you don't-.. If you want to be friends, I understand, really. I shouldn't have said that out of the blue. Sorry.” He stated quietly, meeting your eyes for a second before he looked down again, the medication was making him a little braver, and now the cat was out of the bag, but his cheeks were still burning and he was ready for the rejection. He was used to it. Opening up to someone and getting rejected. Why should it be any different now than it was before he was frozen? He was used to getting rejected, but it was different this time. He could feel that your rejection would be different than the ones he used to get. It would hurt more, your silence did already. 

__

You were taken aback by his words. Never in a million years you would have expected Steve to love you. Of course you had been friends for a while now, you came along great and everything with him just felt so natural and right, but you never imagined someone like Steve to fall in love with you. He was smart, talented, genuinely kind, very well mannered, admittedly very handsome with a breathtaking set of blue eyes, a gentleman. Of course you had a crush on him. Everyone who met him had, it was impossible not to fall for a man like him. But having him like you back? Never in a million years. You thought he'd end up falling for someone like Natasha or Sharon, a beautiful skilled agent, someone who suited his lifestyle more.

__

You didn't know what to say. You knew that if you confessed that you liked him back, things would get even more complicated. Moving on from being friends to lovers was never easy. It would make things harder, more complicated, there were so many things you had to talk about, so many things to consider. But truth was that you loved Steve. And if he felt ready to take the new challenges, you were too. You looked at his face, and you could tell he was already regretting what he said. He must've gotten so many painful rejections. But not this time. You took a deep breath and carefully reached for his hand again, making him finally meet your eyes again.

__

“I love you too, Steve.” You whispered, a smile starting to spread over your lips, widening when his eyes got big, as if he couldn't believe what you said. There were no more words needed. He could barely move due to his bruised body, but from the way he was looking at you, you knew it was right. You leaned in and placed the most gentle kiss to his lips, smiling against his lips when you felt his calloused hand on your cheek, thumb gently stroking your cheek as the sparks were flying and your stomach was full of warm, fluttering butterflies. You loved Steve, and he loved you, and this felt so good and right. 

__

Steve never imagined that he would be able to feel like this again. Warm, tingly, and so happy despite having a brutally beaten body and so many questions in his mind.

__

He was in love. 

__  
~

__

You unlocked the door to Steve's apartment with shaking hands. This used to be a place full of love and joy and happiness, and now you felt sick to the point where you could throw up when you looked around. You had the key for a while now, and you loved coming here. It was nothing like the Avengers Tower, it was the apartment Steve would come to when he had a couple of days off, and it felt like a piece of home to you. Or, at least it used to. Now you just felt sick, looking at the pictures hanging on the walls, seeing some of your cookbooks on the kitchen table and your favorite blanket still on the couch from your last dinner night here. Everything used to be so peaceful, and now everything you had was ruined, shred to pieces. 

__

You swallowed thickly as you walked past the pictures on the wall. You didn't remember when Steve started taking pictures of stuff and hanging them up, but he did and now that wall was a reminder of all the good times you had. Most of the pictures captured the two of you together, on dates or when you were just hanging out, pictures of you laughing at a dumb joke, and pictures of the rest of the Avengers team. You knew that these pictures helped Steve feeling like he belonged in this world and time, but yet you felt the strong urge to rip them all to pieces. The way he looked at you in some of the pictures and the way he looked at you after he took a picture, you could've sworn he loved you to pieces. No one would have guessed that there was someone else always in the back of his mind. You felt hot, thick tears rolling down your cheeks as you passed the pictures to also start gathering the things you had at his place. Pillows, toothbrushes, books and films, anything you've ever brought and never took with you again. You didn't want any of your belongings around him anymore.

__

People say that heartbreak goes by in different stages, but as you walked around the apartment you pretty much shared with Steve, you felt them all crashing down on you. Shock, confusion, horror, nausea, unrelenting sadness that was refreshed with each step, boundless disappointment, a churning feeling of regret, and misery. You couldn't see or think straight, you just felt your heart breaking with each step. Each room held such beautiful memories that used to make you smile to the point where your cheeks hurt, and now felt wrong. 

__

You decided to start in the kitchen, holding onto the counter as you tried to keep yourself from breaking down here. When you met Steve, he was unable to cook anything at all, he was helpless, really. So one day, you brought a cookbook so he would at least have instructions for basic recipes he could make, and even though he burnt his first serving of pancakes, it was a great start. And you have never had so much fun making pancakes before. As time passed, he got more skilled, and you got him another cookbook for Christmas, as well as a new pot after he ruined the one he had. You picked up the first one you gave him and it was clear that he tried using it a lot. There were stains on some pages and little notes attached to the recipes he liked. You put it back carefully, it was impossible to take that one away. You moved on to the bathroom, you really couldn't see yourself taking away any cookbooks or the apron he loved so much, although it was meant to be a joke.

__

The bathroom looked a lot like an apartment shared by a couple. You had your own drawer, towels, shampoo and body wash standing opposite to Steve's. You knelt down to pick that one, wiping another wave of tears from your eyes when you remembered the first morning after you put your shampoo in his shower and Steve came out of the bathroom, confused as he could be and asked why his hair smelled like a smoothie. You emptied your drawer with watery eyes and closed the bathroom door behind you. 

__

Steve had a rather small bed in his bedroom, made for one person, but you always managed to squeeze in together, even if that meant he had to sleep with your arm over his face the entire night. You had some spare clothes in his wardrobe, as well as a book on the bedside table you picked up, sniffling softly as you looked around the bedroom. It was so small, but it had always been enough for the two of you. Gathering everything in the living room was the hardest part. You were a little dizzy and overwhelmed with memories and emotions, so when you sat down on the couch, you couldn't help but let out an exhausted, sad sob. You loved Steve so, so much, trusted him with all your secrets, insecurities, with your life. You always listened to him, comforted and supported him, loved him unconditionally. And you had always been his second choice.

__

You sat on the couch for a couple of minutes, trying to regain some energy until you felt ready to get up again. Firstly, you carefully pulled the soft blanket he got you for Christmas onto your lap to fold it and put it away, but you felt as if someone punched you in the stomach as soon as you touched it. Steve's apartment sometimes got a little cold in winter, but as he didn't feel cold as easily, you would often sit on the couch with him, wrapped in some thin blankets, but for Christmas, he got you this soft, warm blanket, neatly wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper (you were about 99.9% sure he asked Pepper to wrap it to make it look neat), with a handwritten note that said _'For when I'm not there to keep you warm. Merry Christmas, doll. From Steve.'_ That note was still in your wallet, crumpled but you always kept it. And the blanket itself smelled so much like the one you loved so much, folding it felt like having your heart shredded to pieces and scattered all over the room. When you finally forced yourself to get up and continue instead of curling up on the couch and crying your heart out, you nearly had a heart attack when there was a hesitant knock on the door. 

__

Without having to ask, you knew it was Steve. Of course it was. “Leave me alone, Steve. Please, just leave.” You mumbled, barely above a whisper to hide the fact that you cried, you knew he would hear you anyway. 

__

“(Y/N), we- we have to talk about this,” He started from outside, his head leaning against the door as he tried to figure out what you were doing. He still couldn't believe what his team did, what they caused by just spilling something like that. 

__

“There's nothing to talk about, Steve.” You replied quietly, quickly wiping your eyes when you heard him unlocking the door. He knew it was disrespectful of him to just come in, but he was desperate to talk to you about what happened. Too much depended on these next few minutes for him to stay outside. 

__

You heard him come in and close the door, but you kept your back turned to him. You couldn't bear looking him in the eyes, you knew you would break. 

__

“(Y/N), I know you feel-” He spoke up after watching you for a few seconds, but you shook your head weakly. “Just don't, Steve. You don't- just let it be. There's nothing to talk about. Now I know where I stand, and there's nothing to talk about anymore.” You replied in a broken whisper, once again wiping your eyes before you turned around, still avoiding his gaze, but you could sense that your words hit a weak spot. “N-no, (Y/N), it's not what it looks like, I promise,” He tried insisting, but that was a phrase you really didn't want to hear.

__

“It's not what it looks like, huh? Don't even try that, Steve. It's exactly what it looks like,” You started, sadness, frustration, disappointment and doubt all welling up again. He wanted to interrupt you, but from the look on your face, he didn't. It hurt him deeply to see what he caused, seeing your tear stained cheeks, your trembling lips and your red eyes. He really didn't have the right to interrupt you now.

__

“I know that loved her, Steve, you told me you loved her, you told me she was your first true love and I know that I will never be able to understand what it was like to have everyone and everything you love taken away from you. I know that it tore you apart to wake up in this time and find out what happened since they sent you in the ice, and I know that it must be so unbelievably hard to try and cope with that, and I did my best to help you through it, Steve. I understand that you loved Peggy, that you wanted to be with her and that she was the only one left from your past when you woke up and that it wasn't easy to see that she lived her life and that you couldn't be there. I listened to you tell me about that, I listened when you told me she was your first love, how much you loved her, how you wanted to be with her when the war was over. I understood that you wanted to come home to her and be with her because she was your best girl and you loved her so dearly. I gave my best to understand and help, Steve, because I always wanted you to be happy and I had to realize that Peggy was always going to have your heart in a way that I will never have it, and you don't understand how much pain that caused me, Steve, knowing that I will never be able to make you as happy as she did, knowing your heart will always be taken by someone else I can't compete with. But you know what? I learned to accept her as a part of your past, I learned to accept that she was your best girl. And that hurt, Steve, every time you told me about her I could feel my heart breaking a little more, and that was when I thought you started accepting that she's a part of your past. But you know what broke me? Finding out that I have always been, and that I will always be your second choice, Steve. Realizing that I can never be your best girl because you're not letting go of her. It tore me apart to know that I love you so much, with all I have, but also knowing I would always be your second choice. And I just can't do that anymore, Steve. I can't be with someone who can't move on, who won't let me into their life the way they let someone else in. I know that Peggy was there before they turned you into a hero and I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about not being able to have known you before the serum. Because I also would have loved you Steve, I would have loved you just as unconditionally as I love you now, but I know that I can never do that. I love you Steve, and I gave everything I had to show you, to help, I did everything I could to make you feel like you belong here, but I can't do this anymore. Not if I still have to compete with Peggy. There were times when I thought you were finally able to let her go, when you started talking less about her and I finally felt like I wasn't the gapfiller for someone, but now, your friends tell me that you still dream about going home with her. You didn't even tell me yourself, we could have talked about it, but you just kept that to yourself. Having someone who loves you so much and still dreaming about someone else. You have absolutely no idea how I feel. You could've chosen me, Steve, but you didn't, and I'm feeling like you never will. You can't accept that she is gone, and I can feel that you're not accepting it. You can't build a relationship on that, Steve. You were all I wanted, all I could've asked for, but not like this.”

__

You were so into pouring your heart out that you didn't even notice that you started crying again, tears spilling heavily from your eyes as you tried explaining what you were feeling. You knew your voice was weak towards the end, but you couldn't help it. 

__

Your heart was broken, and you just wanted to get that out before Steve could try explaining anything. You didn't want to hear it. Steve had been listening, and with each word, he felt his heart sinking. He caused so much pain, so many tears, he didn't know what to say anymore. All of his explanations seemed pointless all of the sudden because he couldn't believe how much he hurt you without even realizing. 

__

And now you were standing there, broken, crying with your bag in your hands and he was the reason. It was all his fault. His throat was tight and he could feel a lump forming as he tried approaching you, but you shook your head again.

__

“Don't, Steve. This- this doesn't work out anymore.” You whispered as you watched him come closer. 

__

“We're over, Steve. I'm not what you're looking for. I'm sorry.” You added quietly, and without looking at him again, you slipped past him, through the door, and you were gone.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not sure if that's how the story ends or if I'll add more chapters, I'll decide that over the course of the next week. Let me know what you think! [Edit from Feb.4th: I have decided to continue this story, I'll update on the weekend!]


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to update before the Super Bowl (there's a rumour that there will be a new CA3: Civil War teaser during the pre show!) but I don't know where to start apologizing. This chapter is a mess, firstly because I have never been through a bad breakup, so I had no idea what it feels like. Secondly, I was lacking inspiration for this chapter, so bear with me please :) Also, there's no flashback in this one because I couldn't think of a fitting situation, but I might add one as a mini chapter soon. As always, thank you for reading!

The sound of the door closing left Steve with a terrible ringing in his ears, his mind replaying words you said, the tears in your eyes, the look of desperation your face.  
And he caused all of it, he broke you.

His throat was tight and dry, so many things he wanted to say as he felt his vision getting blurry. Steve wasn't one to show many emotions, but certain things just got to him very easily, and you were one of them. What was he supposed to do now? You walked out, you left saying it was over. There were so many things he wanted to say, but everything seemed so pointless now. 

And before he could help it, he was crying. For the first time since he woke up from the ice, he felt like everything was crushing down on him, shattering the ground he was standing on, knocking him off his feet. He loved you. It felt like someone was ripping everything inside of him to pieces, stabbing him until he was on his knees. He loved you, he loved you so much you wouldn't have believed him, he loved you in a way that was so rare and pure, and you were gone because he broke your heart so terribly much. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy, and now he was the one who caused the exact opposite. You were right with every word you said. Of course you were right, and you had every right to hate him, to be heartbroken. 

It was all his fault. He was such an unbelievable fucking idiot. How could he treat you like that? Make you feel like that? He loved you, he really did, and hurting you was his worst fear. You didn't deserve this. It felt like he was weak, pathetic skinny Steve Rogers again, unable to do anything right, unable to protect anyone, unable to fix anything. But this felt different than being too skinny for the army. 

This time, he had something to lose. Something that meant the world to him.

And this time, he was going to fix it. 

-

Everything seemed surreal once you were out of his apartment. Stumbling down the stairs, getting out of the building, everything just seemed unreal. You knew all the steps to his door, but now didn't want to go there anymore. Once you were outside, you thumped against the nearest wall, trying to regain your breath after all that crying and sobbing. You couldn't drive home like this, so you somehow managed to call a cab to drive you home. The ride was silent apart from the occasional sniff or sob coming from you as you desperately tried to wipe away the tears that just didn't seem to stop. You were so in love with Steve. But you were his second choice, all the time. Luckily, the driver didn't question anything. He just dropped you off at your place and offered to call a friend, but you just wanted to be alone. You didn't feel like talking to anyone, especially not telling anyone what happened. You turned off your phone, locked the door, isolating yourself. At some point throughout the night, after hours of sitting on the ground like a crumpled piece of paper, you started to feel deeply embarrassed about everything. Everyone knew how much you loved Steve, having people find out that he didn't feel the same way about you was deeply humiliating. You said everything you wanted to get out earlier, and now all there was left were tears. You got your heartbroken by someone you trusted with your life and you had never felt so broken before, all you did was cry and cry and cry until you were too exhausted and out of tears to do anything else and you ended up shattered on the couch. And even though you knew he messed up, you blamed yourself for everything. You told yourself you weren't enough, that you just couldn't make him happy.

The feeling of getting knocked off the ground was long gone, you just felt sad. Numb, in a way that made everything seem dull and wrong.

Steve was the light of your life, and now everything was gray in gray. 

-

The Captain didn't return to the Tower after you left. The way the two of behaved were surprisingly similar, though. While you, on the one hand, falsely blamed yourself for not being enough, he blamed himself for what happened. It crushed him, knowing he was right with blaming himself, it was his fault. He knew you were blaming yourself, but it was him. He had to think about so many things. He had to come to terms with what happened. And he had to do that alone, without the rest of the team. So he turned off his phone and left it at his flat, along with anything else that could make him locatable.

He needed time to start thinking about his life, to start fixing what he did, to come to terms with who he was and what was important to him. 

-

The next days were complete, utter hell. The other Avengers tried getting in touch with you. You had a few texts from Wanda, asking if you'd like to come over or if you wanted her to come over, but you just declined. Natasha called, even Maria called and Pepper texted you, but you weren't feeling like seeing any of them. You only talked to Bruce briefly when he was giving a lecture as a special guest at uni, but that was it. He also said that you were always welcome at the Tower, that they would like to keep in touch, but it was wrong. You couldn't come to the Tower to hang out with the Avengers after breaking up with Steve. You had to continue going out, even if it was just because you needed groceries, but every step felt like the worst walk of shame you've ever head. 

Everything somehow reminded you of Steve. 

New York suddenly seemed like a tiny city, full of places that were somehow connected to Steve and your relationship. All the good times you had were spread all over the city, the cafes he'd take you out to for lunch, the streets you'd walk after a beautiful date, the monuments and public places you'd show him and his stories about what they were like seventy years ago. 

All these fascinating memories that would usually make you smile brightly now brought tears to your eyes. 

And the worst part was that he did not call once. 

He did not call a single time, he didn't text, there was absolutely nothing coming from him. 

You'd find yourself checking your phone from time to time, secretly hoping you'd have a missed call, but nothing. 

And that just made you feel worse. Even if it was just a few days, you missed him like crazy. Usually, you handled breakups very well. You'd meet up with your friends, get drunk, listen to Taylor Swift for hours and after grieving for a little, you'd be better already. You were raised not to depend on a boy, not to cry after a man for long, and you always handled heartbreak very well, not mourning anyone. You were always able to tell yourself 'Hey, it's okay. Life goes on.', but it was different this time. 

You didn't start feeling better. You just had to realize day by day how much you really loved Steve. You had to feel that you needed him. You wanted him to apologize, to stand at your door in the middle of the night and confess his love because you wanted to be with him, because you loved him but there was nothing coming from him.

-

No one really knew where Steve was after that night. His phone was turned off, he wasn't at his apartment and he wasn't at the Tower, he just sort of disappeared. Luckily, there was no need for SHIELD to locate him, which gave him the time and space he needed to think. 

At first, the team thought the two of you didn't fight and that he was with you, but when they found out it wasn't the case, they started looking for him. Finding his belongings in his apartment told them that he just needed space for a while, and SHIELD would always be able to find him in case of emergency.

But Steve wasn't far away. He was still in town, walking through the streets, through parks, just thinking about everything. His life before he was frozen, what roles other people played in his life back then, what his priorities were. And how these things changed since he woke up from the ice, what mattered to him and what he wanted in life now. 

Walking through the streets he still recognized helped him. He was able to recall what buildings looked like in the 40's and how they had changed, he was able to connect memories to certain places. Taking the time and thinking about that was enlightening to him. One of the things he realized very quickly was that he no longer felt out of place, like he wouldn't belong here, and he realized that it was your help that made feeling him belong here possible. Seeing how the world was now, he came to terms with the fact that the world needed him now, more than it ever did before. There was a reason he was put into the time he was in now. His past shaped him, made him the person he was now, because that person was needed now. That was one thing he hadn't accepted for the longest time. He used to think that World War II was the time that needed him the most, but he realized that the world today needed him a lot more. 

However, there still was one thing he had to deal with; his feelings for Peggy and his feelings for you.

Love was one of the most confusing aspects of his life. As a young man, Peggy was the first to be interested in him and she was with him throughout a big part of his journey. He loved her, and when he woke up and found out that she got married, had kids and lived her life, he had an extremely hard time accepting that. 

But when he met you, he started feeling like he was slowly getting over it because he started feeling the way he did for Peggy for someone else; for you. Yet, he never fully wanted to let go of Peggy. She was the last one alive from his past, he clung to her and she always had great advice for him, she always listened to what he had to say and she always tried helping. But she was old, she was getting weaker day by day, and Steve knew he had to talk to her about what happened.

So on the sixth day after you left him, he visited Peggy again.

Her room was familiar to him, he had been there a lot since he woke up and he got used to the curtains that were closed most of the time, but he would never get used to seeing Peggy Carter bedridden, fragile, old. But even with the gray hair and the wrinkles, you could still see that she was strong, a fighter. 

She could tell something was wrong the moment that Steve entered the room. She knew about you, about your and Steve's relationship and she was happy for you. It made her happy to see Steve with that light in his eyes when he talked about you, she was very worried about him in the beginning, but she could see he started getting better after he started talking about meeting you.

“Hey, Peg. How's my best girl doing?” Steve asked softly as he sat down on the chair by her bed, lips in a thin line, trying to smile as he looked at her.

“I'm doing alright, Steve. What about you? Don't look as bright as you usually do.” She replied, her voice was strained, but Steve was used to that as well. He would help her with the glass of water on her bedside table when she needed it. He looked down at her words, shrugging a bit because he didn't know where to start this. 

“I have a feeling that this is about your girl, right?” Peggy asked then, a worried look on her face as she lifted her hand a little. Steve nodded, sighing to himself as he watched her.

“(Y/N)- she.. I- she left me. I messed up. Big time.” He muttered, biting down on his lower lip when Peggy raised her brows at him. “What have you done, Rogers? The poor girl must be truly hurt to leave someone like you.” She asked, giving him a small, but encouraging smile so he'd start telling her what happened. 

And he did, he told her about what happened in Africa, about his vision and that the team told you and how the two of you fought and how you packed your things and left. Peggy listened, nodding every now and then, and she remained silent after Steve was done telling the story.

She told Steve to move on the first time he visited her, and she could tell he did. She could tell by his change in behavior, in the way he spoke and looked at her. He did move on, but he wasn't accepting it.

“You love her, Steve. That's what we both know for sure. You don't want to lose her, I can see that. I know the way your eyes light up when you tell me about her and even though I haven't met her I could tell that she loved you right from the start. Trust me, Steve, she doesn't want to lose you either.” She started, but she had to reach for the water, talking too much made her cough quickly.

“And I can see that you moved on, Steve. I think you know too, but you don't want to admit it to yourself. You try to cling to something you've gotten over already because you think you'd still owe me something. But you don't. I think on the inside, you know you don't. You just don't know how to deal with the fact that you made peace with your past and that you are ready to move on. We both know that you love that girl, you love her deeply. Just like I loved my husband. I know it's hard to let go, but it is for the better and from the way you look at me, I know you've moved on, Steve. I am glad that I could be with you many years ago, that I could help you become who you are. But that was the past, and you know that we both moved on. I let it happen, accepted it, and you need to do the same. Deep inside your heart, you know you did. She's your best girl now, Steve, and you deserve to be happy together. Let it happen, just like I did. You'll never forgive yourself if you let her go.” She explained quietly, small sips of water in between. And she was right.

-

“Cap?” Clint asked, frowning as he watched Steve enter the Avengers Tower. They talked about what happened once Steve left, speculated what happened between the two of you, and they didn't expect the Captain to come back. They thought there would be long, dramatic apologies and passionate make up sex, but they were sure Steve wouldn't show up again because he was rightfully pissed at them. But he didn't look like he was okay. His eyes were red and puffy and he had dark circles under them, making him appear exhausted and tired. It was past midnight already and Clint was only up because he was waiting for a call from his wife because one of their kids wasn't feeling well. 

“I was- I visited Peggy. I didn't expect anyone to be up.” Steve muttered eventually, after considering just ignoring Clint and the rest of the team because of what they did. 

“The others are sleeping, yes.” Clint replied, crossing his arms as he watched the Captain walk over to grab a glass of water. “You don't like well, Steve. D'you want to talk about something?” Clint asked then, he was the most experienced one concerning relationships, and he knew the look on Steve's face all too well. 

Steve glanced over at him, eying him warily for a few moments before he put the glass down again, he wasn't thirsty anyway. “You shouldn't have done it. You should've let me do it. When I felt ready to talk about it and when I knew she was ready to hear it.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. “I know, mate. We talked about it too, and we know it was wrong. S' not our relationship and stuff. We just thought it'd be better for her.” Clint explained as he sat down. They were right. It was better for you because it finally allowed you to get out everything that was on your mind. If they, or Steve,had kept it a secret for longer, it would have become toxic for your relationship.

“I- She packed her things. And she told me how she felt about the- about the thing with Peggy. And then she left.” Steve explained quietly, he already hated talking about it. He felt like he should be able to deal with his problems on his own, without needing anyone's help, but he didn't know much about relationships. And he needed help, just like he did seventy years ago. 

“Wow, that's a tough one,” Clint commented, sighing as he looked at the clock. “And you think she meant it? That she really wanted to leave you?” He asked then, raising his brows a bit. “I don't know, Barton. She- she looked devastated. I didn't think it hurt her so much, but she was like, crying and stuff. Which felt horrible. I could see the pain in her eyes.” Steve replied, shrugging a little. “I hate myself for causing that. I mean, I love her. I really do, but I know that she has every right to hate me.” He started muttering, avoiding any sort of eye contact with the Hawkeye. “And I just, I love her. I just do. I- I don't want to lose her.”

“What about Peggy, then? Because you frankly have to admit that you dreamed about her.” Clint interjected, none of the superheroes knew how to explain that, they all thought Steve had been over her, that he accepted that part of his past as gone.

“I also love Peggy, but – in a different way. It's just, even after all these months, still hard to accept that she lived her life. It feels off to think that I made promises I wasn't able to keep. But with (Y/N), I started realizing that I don't love Peggy the way that I love her. Peggy will always remain a part of me, but in the way that she was a great person I was honored to work with for a bit. Over the past weeks, I started realizing that I love her in a different way. I think I'm very grateful that she believed in me and that she helped me becoming who I am today. That's what makes her a part of my past, not the fact that she was my girlfriend for a bit. But for the fact that she helped making me who I am today, and I think for the longest time until now, I felt like I wasn't able to thank her for it because I was gone for so long. And with that dance I had been dreaming about, I think that was my way of realizing that she is a part of my past. Because I imagined to be back in the 40's, after all. I didn't imagine being with her again now, because I think on the inside, I still feel like I need to thank her for supporting me in the 40's. I promised her the dance and I could never keep that promise. And I have been visiting her a lot, she lived her life and she knew I was grateful for what she had done, and actually talking to her really helped me comprehending that I was ready to move on. That she would always have a part of my heart because without her, I wouldn't be who I am today. And I loved her, but I think even back then, I knew I had to move on. And it seemed impossible to do so, but when I met (Y/N), it just kinda happened, you know? She helped me realize that I didn't love Peggy in 'that' way anymore, but that I was genuinely grateful for who she was back then. Because of (Y/N), I understood that I didn't have 'these' feelings for Peggy because I had them for her. But it still is a protracted process and in that imagination, I realized that the dance was one to celebrate who I became because of her. It wasn't one to declare love. Because I love (Y/N).” Steve was rambling, but it helped him sorting his mind out. He finally managed to put what he had been thinking for weeks into words. 

Clint listened very carefully, trying to follow what Steve was explaining, and he understood what the Captain meant.

“(Y/N) needs to hear that, Cap. She thinks she's just filling Peggy's gap. You said you made promises you couldn't keep back then, and you still suffer from that now. So you have to get your ass up now and make sure that doesn't happen again.” Clint added with a soft chuckle. “She loves you, Steve, and it's so clear that you love her too. And both of you deserve to be happy.” 

-

On the eighth day after you left Steve, you returned to the Tower for the first time. 

Wanda wanted to see you again and you assumed it would help if you finally had the courage to be in Steve's presence again. You couldn't hide away forever.

Entering the Tower still felt like a punch in the guts, though. Everything was so familiar and you couldn't help but feel hurt again. Steve still hadn't called.

Wanda promised he wouldn't be there, that he was at SHIELD, but it still felt like he was there. You saw one of his jackets on the hanger and it made the lump in your throat grow. You wore that jacket on your second date when he walked you home from the movies and you mentioned that it has gotten cooler outside. Of course he immediately offered you his jacket, even though you could see he was freezing without him. But he didn't complain once. And you could smell him everywhere. You knew the mix of his aftershave, the scent he wore sometimes and his skin and you regretted coming to the Tower in the first place. When you buried your head in his neck or chest, when he hugged you, when you wore his shirts, it always smelled like home. And god, you missed it so much. 

“(Y/N)? Hey, it's good to see you again.” Wanda spoke up when she saw you coming out of the lift, a careful smile on her lips as she approached you. “Yeah, hi. It's been a while, I'm sorry.” You replied quietly as she hugged you, but you felt sick. You wanted to leave again and you knew Wanda could tell. “Let's go to my room, okay?” She asked, your discomfort was obvious. You agreed, and you had no idea what was going on one floor beneath you as Wanda asked you to sit down on the couch while she made some tea.

-

“What's the matter, Tony? Sam was doing good, I had no reason to make him train for another hour. Why are you so upset about me being back earlier?” Steve groaned, as soon as he entered the Tower, FRIDAY and Tony were trying to keep him from going upstairs. Training with Sam was scheduled for one more hour, but he let Sam finish earlier today. 

“Well, did you sign your protocol for the day? Did the paperwork? Reviewed Sam's progress? You know Fury wants to see-” Tony tried, blocking the way every time Steve stepped forward.

“Yes I know, Stark, but I'll do that tonight. Now will you let me go or will you at least explain what's going on upstairs? Because if you're planning something or if Banner and-” Steve stated, and Tony knew he didn't understand.

“Look, Capsicle, I really don't know if you want to know, because I don't know how you will react if you knew-” Tony started, obviously trying to flay time while FRIDAY messaged Wanda.

“Just tell me, for god's sake. I hope that there's an alien invasion or something because otherwise your behavior would be uncalled-for.” Steve replied, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at Tony.

“Okay, fine. But for the record, I warned you.” Tony started, rubbing his neck for a second. “(Y/N) is upstairs. Wanda told her you wouldn't be here so she-” He started, but Steve didn't listen after that. He felt his mind going blank and his face fell, and before Tony could do anything else, he pushed past him, sprinting up the steps with a speed that would've made Quicksilver jealous. 

-

“You know what? Forget about the tea. I think I have water in my room. Come on, let's go,” Wanda stated all of the sudden, nearly forcing you to get up when she saw FRIDAY's message. 

“Wh- What? Is everything alright?” You asked, downright confused as you got up too slowly for Wanda's liking.

“Yes, perfect, come on,” She rushed, trying to lead you away as quickly as possible, but it was too late. 

The doors opened and Steve was standing there, panting as you stared over at you. And you could feel he was there, you could feel his presence, you could hear his panting.

You froze in place, throat going dry and heart rate going up immensely. Your back was facing him, but you could feel him staring at you. You could feel his eyes burning into you. A second after realizing he was there, you shook your head furiously. 

“N-no, I have to leave,-” You mumbled under your breath, reaching for your back as quickly as you could. 

“(Y/N)-” Wanda tried, but you were rushing to the stairs already. You couldn't do this.

You tumbled down the stairs as quickly as you could, tears making your vision blurry and you had almost made it out of the door when you heard him. He was calling out for you, and you could hear he was chasing after you. You heard his footsteps on the stairs and you could hear that his voice was shaking. You had almost made it out of the building, when

“(Y/N)- please, hear me out.” 

And you stopped. You stopped and you turned around. 

And as soon as you stopped and turned around, he knew this was his only chance to fix this. Nothing mattered anymore, he just wanted to fix this.

He drew in a deep breath, _and -_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, a cliffhanger! I promise the next chapter will be better.  
> Enjoy the Super Bowl!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the flashback that was missing in the last chapter, so this isn't an actual chapter!

_You had never felt more beautiful before._  


_Standing on a pier in Cannes, a beautiful dress on, with the love of your life standing by your side, watching the sunset with expensive wine in your hands._  
_It was a beautiful evening, warm with a soft breeze coming from the sea and you and Steve had been standing on that pier for a while, just watching how the sun was tinting the sky and the water._  
_The day was long, Steve and you had your first official public appearance as a couple at the Stark Expo, held in Cannes that year._  
_Tony's Expos were huge, you always were impressed by the show he organized for presenting new inventions in both technology and arms for the Avengers._  
_There were fireworks, screen shows and his appearance was so spectacular that it took everyone's breath away. He'd come flying in as Iron Man, he'd suddenly be coming out of the ground, it was a spectacle, and it was easy to tell Tony loved the attention, the cheering for him. Confetti would be falling to the ground as screen shows showed the Iron Legion, the Avengers in action and loud music would be underlining his work._  
_And his speeches were just as spectacular as the show, he easily had hundreds of people spread across the huge arena clinging to his lips._  
_And that year, the rest of the team decided to come along. They had their first appearance as a team after being celebrated as international superheroes all over the world because they fought that army of aliens in New York.  
You never regretted that they asked you to come along. _

_The journey was incredibly luxurious and you got to spend some quality time with your boyfriend, strolling through the streets of Cannes as undercover as possible. The city was ready for the Stark Expo, huge posters of the Avengers were hanging on lamp posts and everyone was buzzing with excitement to see the live broadcast. Steve still managed to somehow stay unrecognized throughout the day, allowing the two of you to enjoy a beautiful sunny day in a breathtaking city. You sat in a cafe for a while, peacefully strolled through the small streets and had loads of fun being regular tourists. Steve was surprisingly open throughout the day, not being recognized seemed to take a lot of pressure off him and you could feel and see that. It was one of those rare days he felt like he was a normal person. He seemed so carefree, he laughed a lot, it was amazing to see him so genuinely happy.  
_

_As you had to get ready for the Expo, the pressure and stress seemed to get to him again, though. You helped him with his suit and as he waited for you to finish doing your hair, you could see that his jaw was clenched tight and he was tugging on the sleeves of his dress shirt. You eventually sat down next to him and reached for his large hands, gently placing yours over them._  
_“We're representing world peace tonight. That's such an immensely big responsibility. The entire world is watching us on that stage.” He murmured, that stern Captain look on his face that, as you knew by now, often masked worry and insecurity._  
_Your lips were in a thin line as you rested your head on his shoulder and gently brushed your thumbs over the back of his hand._  
_“Everything's going to be fine, Stevie. The world loves you, all of you. You saved all of us.” You replied quietly, turning your head a little to look up at him. “And you saw the rehearsals. Tony will introduce the team, confetti, music. You know this is all about a great show tonight, not about proofing anything. You proved enough in action, Steve. You're a good man.” You added, smiling softly when he placed a kiss to your forehead._  
_The red carpet was stressful, it felt weird being treated like a celebrity and you were glad the Avengers hit the red carpet as a team. You originally didn't want to do the whole red carpet thing at all, but Pepper was there, Jane was there, so you couldn't chicken out. It was loud and busy, so many people behind barriers with flashing cameras, you just held on to Steve's hand as you crossed the red carpet right behind Natasha and Bruce._  
_That was the first time Steve and you publicly showed up as a couple, and even though all the yelled questions from the photographers were a little uncomfortable, it felt good to finally show the world you loved each other._  
_The arena was set up perfectly for an Expo. The stage had a catwalk thing for the Iron Legion to get in position on when the show opened and there were about a hundred round tables in the arena, decorated and with a seating chart._  
_Originally, the girlfriends had an extra table, but the whole crew obviously ended up sitting around one table to celebrate._  
_The other tables were occupied by politicians, celebrities, fans, SHIELD agents, anyone with an important name was there._  
_The show opened up with the roof of the arena opening, fireworks going off and the Iron Legion flying in, getting in formation on the stage as Tony himself flew in in his newest Iron Man uniform. People were going crazy, really._  
_The show went by smoothly, the Avengers only were on stage as their most recent success was displayed on the large screens, earning rounds of applause and fireworks._  
_When the show was over, the team and the SHIELD agents who were there were invited to an after party on one of Tony's yachts, which was huge and just as glamorous as the show was, just more exclusive as there were only people who knew each other._  
_Before joining the part on the yacht, though, Steve and you decided to get comfortable on the pier for a bit._  
_It was silent, but after the show you just experienced it was pleasant to just stand there with the occasional sound of a wave rolling against the pier._  
_You were leaning against Steve, his arm draped around your side and your head resting against his chest._  
_“I'm glad you came with me.” He whispered at some point, causing you to smile and glance up at him.  
_

_“I had a lot of fun.” You replied, placing a gentle hand on his cheek as he leaned in to place a kiss to your lips.  
“I love you, (Y/N). Thank you for always putting up with me. You're amazing, really.” He stated against your lips, making you smile again. He loved you, he really did. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, they really showed a new CA: Civil War trailer! I loved it, I'm a huge fan of Steve's and Bucky's friendship and I'm really glad we got to see some Wanda in it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of this story and we're finally moving on to the brighter side of things in this!  
> Thank you for reading, leaving comments and kudos. I really appreciate it. x

_“(Y/N)- please, hear me out.”_  
_And you stopped. You stopped and you turned around._  
_And as soon as you stopped and turned around, he knew this was his only chance to fix this. Nothing mattered anymore, he just wanted to fix this._  
_He drew in a deep breath, and -_  
-  
Steve could hear his heart beating in his chest when you turned around to face him, lips trembling as you tried to keep a straight face, avoiding his eyes for a few seconds before you looked up at him.  
He tried stepping forward again, but stopped when you took a step back.  
“Okay, Rogers. I'm giving you two minutes to get out whatever you have to say, and then I'm gone. And I don't want to see you again.” You hissed, crossing your arms over your chest as you tried avoiding his eyes again. Those baby blues still got you weak in the knees, even though you were fuming on the inside.  
On the one hand, this was what you wanted from the second you left his apartment. You wanted him to chase after you to explain everything, but on the other hand, you weren't sure if you wanted to hear what he had to say. You were scared of getting hurt again because by now, you had told yourself countless times that you didn't matter to him. And if he just wanted to say that out loud, you didn't want to hear it. But he let you say everything you had to say when you left, now you had to give him a chance to do the same.  
Steve swallowed and nodded quickly, he wasn't prepared for this. He wasn't prepared to see you again and he most definitely wasn't prepared to have you giving him a chance to finally speak his mind.  
He didn't know where to start, this was nothing like his late night talk with Clint because one wrong word now would ruin everything. So he decided to start with the one thing he really, really wanted you to know.  
“I love you, (Y/N). I- I really do love you and I want you to know that I have loved you since we met and I meant every single word I've ever said to you. I know that you don't trust me anymore and I understand that, but there's so many things I want to explain but I know that two minutes aren't enough for that so I'll try to sum things up as well as I can. I- Okay, first of all, I know I should've told you about the thing with Peggy that happened after Wanda did her thing, it was my duty to be honest with you but- I just- I wanted to figure out what I meant before confronting you with it, you deserved to know but I knew it was going to give the wrong impression, which is why I didn't tell you. I didn't mean to hide anything from you, you're the one person I trust my life with and you know that I always tell you everything, when I'm ready to do so. But you found out earlier than I wanted you to and I understand your reaction, (Y/N), I really do. Which is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. I wanted to be there when you found out to tell you everything I want to tell you know to keep you from hurting. Most importantly, (Y/N), I don't love Peggy in the same way I love you. I loved her like that, but I don't anymore. I- I had a great time with her, not nearly as much as I wanted, but now I know that it happened for a reason. I thought about my relationship with Peggy for a long time and I came to realize that I'm thankful for who she was and the role she played in my life seventy years ago, because she supported me and she helped me becoming who I am today. And that's it. Of course I loved her, and I know it's hard for you to believe me and I'll understand if you don't believe me anymore, but she's a part of my past. A part that confused me terribly because she still was here when I woke up, but I knew she was a part I had to get over, and I did. Because of you. And for a long time, I wasn't sure if I had really gotten over her because I just couldn't tell whether I could let my past go, but Wanda opened my eyes. After the mission, when we landed at Clint's farm, Tony told me that I walked away alright from Wanda's tricks, because I wasn't in the same mood as the others. And that was when I started realizing that he was right; it didn't hurt the same anymore. It didn't cause that aching longe anymore, and later that night, when I called you to tell you I'm fine, I realized that it didn't feel that way anymore because I had you. And when we were at the new Avengers facility and Tony asked where I was going, I said that I was home. I said I was home without realizing it, because it felt natural and okay. Because I knew that when I was coming back from the facility I'd see you again. And I realized that home is where you are. It's not a place I don't know anymore, it's with you.”  
He looked desperate, you could see it in his eyes. They were pleading you to keep listening, even though the two minutes were long over. You didn't move, though, he wasn't done yet. He deserved to finish and when he figured you weren't going to walk away, that you were letting him finish, he took a small step forward.  
“What you have done for me is incredible, (Y/N). I'll never be able to thank you enough or give back for what you have done for me. You made me feel like there was a reason for me being here, like I belonged into this world. Something about you changed me for the better. When I woke up from the ice, I didn't think I would be able to make it. Too much had changed, everyone and everything I knew was gone. I woke up in a world that didn't need me, I was useless in, I felt misplaced in. And I kept feeling that way even though they put me into that group. I felt like I had nothing to hold on to. There was nothing constant in my life, nothing that provided any source of stability, nothing that kept everything from spinning too fast. Until you came along. When I met you, when we started spending time together, I finally started feeling like there was something that lasted. And as I fell in love with you, I started feeling like I was finding my place in this world. You started making me feel like I was here for a reason. I wanted you to be happy and safe, that kept me pushing through everything that happened, and nothing has changed about that.”

He looked like he was about to drop to his knees, reach for your head and beg you to say. He was fighting to keep himself together, but knowing that he might've ruined everything was killing him on the inside.   
He looked at you, blue eyes full of hope, apology, regret. His eyes never lied, you knew that. He was telling the truth.  
“You didn't call once.” You whispered after watching him for a few seconds. “After telling you how you made me feel, you didn't call once. You didn't make any effort to see how I was doing.” You stated, jaw clenched tightly because you were not going to cry again.  
“God, I know- I understand – you have every right to be mad at me for that. I just- I wanted to deal with what was still blurry in my head. I wanted to be sure that when I saw you again, when I talked to you again, I had answers for everything. I wanted to explain everything, wanted to have sorted things out.  
And I know that this is not going to be the happy ending where everything is forgiven and forgotten within seconds, but please, (Y/N), give me a chance. I love you and I'm ready to do whatever it takes to prove it. I just beg you to give me a chance. We can work this out somehow.”  
You barely noticed he was stepping forward with his last words, neither did he, but you didn't move from your position.  
Your head was a mess, it kept replaying what he said, what the two of you managed to make it through, but then you remembered how you felt throughout the last days. How he made you feel.  
But then, the good times were back.   
You remembered how he met your parents for the first time, the flowers he brought for your mum and the way he shook your father's hand. You remembered how he came back from Sokovia and how glad you were to see the one you loved healthy and in one piece. How he hugged you and kissed you and told you he'd always come back. You remembered how the team teased him for his crush on you and you remembered your first official date, how he held the door and pulled your chair out. How he looked at you when you laughed and how he looked at you when you were sad.   
He loved you. And you loved him. You loved his eyes and his smile and his stupid jokes and his Brooklyn accent and the way he always cared for you.   
You loved him too much to let him go.  
You could work this out somehow.  
When you came back to reality, he was still looking at you with that same hopeful, apologetic look on his face, with those eyes that never lied showing deep regret.  
And with two short steps, you walked towards him, throwing your arms around him in defeat and letting out an exhausted sob.  
It's been too long since you smelled his cologne, since you felt his chest against yours and it's been way too long since you felt his strong arms around you.  
But now they were back, shaking but they were back. You had him back, and even if it was going to be a tough ride, you knew you could work it out.  
Steve barely registered what happened until he felt your warm breath against his chest and your arms around his neck. After he finished speaking, you seemed to be lost in thoughts and he didn't dare to move, he just kept staring at you and he was praying you'd accept his apologies.  
And boy, you did.   
Everything that seemed so dull and pointless was gone when he wrapped his arms around you again. Everything seemed to make sense again as tears of relief rolled down your cheeks and he held you close.  
It wasn't going to be easy. There still were many things that you wanted to get done before moving on, but you knew Steve and you would make it work. You always did, because you loved each other. And that was all that mattered.  
-  
The next weeks passed by quickly.   
You started getting used to each other again, you brought some of your things to both the Tower and Steve's apartment again and you got used to the teasing but fond remarks of the rest of the team again.  
Steve and you still talked about what happened whenever one of you needed to, and with the honesty and love you had for each other, you started rebuilding the beautiful relationship you once had.  
However, it was inevitable that in the middle of that process, Steve had to leave again. Bad guys didn't care about an Avenger's relationship situation and four and a half weeks into making up, the Avengers were needed in the Far East.  
You were standing by the Quinjet with Agent Hill, watching the team check out the mission and their new arms and suits and stuff. Tony Stark never rested, he kept improving the team's gear over and over again.  
Steve also got a new suit, resembling the stealth suit a lot, but with more advanced technology. 

“You're looking good.” You hummed, smiling in a slightly forced way when he made his way over to you.   
You hated seeing him leave, never knowing if he was going to back or not. He promised he'd always come back, but the bad guys just seemed getting worse and worse.  
“Don't get yourself beaten up too much, alright? I'd like to get you back in one piece.” You added with a chuckle, causing him to roll his eyes playfully.  
“Yeah, I'll tell the alien-robot-whatever-things my girlfriend doesn't like to see blood. I bet they'll spare me, then.” He replied, making you nudge his side in annoyance.  
“Just take care, okay?” You asked quietly, sighing softly as you looked up at him. He'd give his life to save others, and as proud as you were, it worried you, it kept you up every night when he was gone.  
“Always do. I'll call you as soon as possible.” He replied quietly, placing a gentle but intense kiss to your lips, one of his hands resting on your cheek.  
“You better do.” You murmured after you pulled away, the feeling of sadness and worry in your gut wasn't going to go away until he was back safely.  
“I love you.” He replied, and when Natasha called out for him to get on the jet, you smiled and nodded, telling him you loved him too.   
When he turned and walked onto the jet, you clasped your hands and bit your lip.  
There was something else making you nervous, not just him being away and fighting an army of creatures you never heard of.  
You wanted to go see Peggy.  
You didn't tell Steve because you knew he would have wanted to come along, but this was something you wanted to do on your own.   
You wanted to find out who the woman that shaped him was, you wanted to make peace with what happened between you.  
So when the Quinjet was out of sight, you went inside again, back to his room to figure out where Peggy was.  
-  
Turns out that Peggy lived in a retirement home now, you found the address on Steve's desk and copied it.  
Two days after the Avengers left for the mission, you finally mustered up enough courage to go to the retirement home, but you already doubted that decision on the way.  
What were you even supposed to say? She didn't even know you. Were you just going to be like 'Hey, I'm with your ex-boyfriend, I broke up with him because of you but now we're back together'? You had absolutely no idea what to talk about. What if she didn't want to see you?  
You were standing in the retirement home's entrance hall, already turning on your heels to leave again when a nurse approached you.  
“Can I help you, Miss?” She asked politely, a friendly smile on her round face as she looked at you. Now there was no way to chicken out again. You had to do this.  
“Uh, yes. I'm looking for Peggy Carter.” You stated, smiling hesitantly at the small woman, who nodded and smiled back at you.  
“Of course, I think Mrs. Carter is in her room right now. I'll take you there, but you have to put your name and phone number in the visitors list. It's a formality.” She explained and you nodded, taking the pen she gave you and carefully putting down your name and number.  
While you were writing, the nurse watched you and then hummed a bit.  
“May I ask how you know Peggy? She's been getting less visits lately and I've never seen you around before.” She asked, making you look up and think about it for a second before you gave her the list back.  
“I'm a friend of Steve. Steve Rogers, he's a regular visitor, I think.” You explained, and her face lit up at the mention of Steve.  
“Ah, of course. Very polite young man.” She noted as she started leading you down a hallway. You always had to smile to yourself when someone called Steve a young man, he was older than most people here.  
You just nodded again as she led you up a set of stairs and down another hallway, stopping at the third door on the left. It felt weird to be here and you didn't want to imagine how weird it must've been for Steve to come here.  
The nurse said something along the lines of checking if Peggy was awake, so you waited outside, nervously clasping your hands together. And the award of dumbest decision of the decade goes to.. you. This really was a terrible idea. But before you could start running, the nurse waved you in already, you swallowed thickly and then decided to go for it.  
The small woman gave you a smile as she walked out of the room, nudging you inside and closing the door behind you. You drew in a deep breath and stepped forward, trying your best to smile.  
Peggy Carter looked nothing like you had imagined. She looked fragile, old. In your imagination, she still was the beautiful 20-something year old agent.  
“Hello, Peggy. I'm, uh, I'm (Y/N). Sorry for just barging in on you.” You muttered when she turned her head to look at you, biting your lip for a second. You were such an idiot for doing this.  
However, Peggy smiled slightly and nodded, gesturing to the chair by her bed.  
“Take a seat, darling. I'm glad I finally get to meet you.” She replied, her voice was softer and more strained than you had imagined. What she said confused you, though.  
“You- You know who I am?” You asked slowly, furrowing your brows as you sat down on the chair and looked at her.  
“Of course I do,” Peggy chuckled, making you raise your brows in surprise.  
“So you know that I-?” You asked again, pursing your lips a bit as you looked down at her blanket.  
“That you're with Steve? I do. That's why I'm glad I finally get to meet you in person, Steve has told me many wonderful things about you.” She explained, immediately making you feel bad again. You were convinced Steve never talked about you when he was here.  
Peggy noticed that her words caught you off guard and she lightly smoothed her hand over her blanket. “I guess I know why you're here, darling. Steve also told me what happened between the two of you.” She added, causing your cheeks to heat up a bit. She also knew you left him because of her.  
“Yes, I- I'm sorry about that. That's why I'm here, I think.” You muttered, but she shook her head.  
“Don't be sorry for what you did. It was a reasonable reaction, really. Still, it's good to know you're back together. He needs you.” She assured softly, causing you to smile the slightest bit.  
“Now, how can I help you, darling? I doubt you came here just to look at my wrinkles.” She asked then, giving you an encouraging smile when you were still clasping your hands.  
“I- Yes. Ever since I met Steve, I heard so many fascinating stories about you, heroic stories, but I only got to hear them from Steve and I was wondering if you were willing to tell me more about your, uhm, your life.” You muttered, you still weren't sure if that was what you wanted but you assumed hearing what happened from her perspective would help making you realize she lived her life, moved on after Steve was presumed dead.  
And she did. Without questioning anything else, she told you about her life as an Agent of Shield, her husband, their children and grand-children. She'd need some water and meds in between, but you genuinely enjoyed listening to her. She certainly had a way of capturing people with her words. And once she was done, the sun was setting already and you understood why Steve loved her so much. She really was an amazing woman, old and fragile by now, but it was undeniable that she was strong, a fighter.  
When the nurse came back to tell Peggy it was time to have dinner, you realized you should probably leave. You bothered her enough.  
“(Y/N), I know things with Steve haven't been easy. I know he can be a handful sometimes, but you two deserve to be happy together. I can see it in his eyes when he talks about you, you're special to him. Very special, and I'm glad I got to meet the one who's making him so happy. You're a beautiful girl, kind and caring. I know that you've been through the last weeks wasn't easy, but let me tell you this; he loves you. He does love you wholeheartedly.” She stated, watching you looking down at your hands with a fond smile on your lips. She liked you and she could tell you were good for Steve.  
“Thank you, Peggy. For everything, really.” You replied quietly, giving her a warm and grateful smile before you picked up your bag, and when you left the retirement home, you felt like the one remaining rock was lifted off your chest. You were ready to fully commit to your relationship again and you knew Steve was too.  
-  
The Avengers returned from their mission five days later, earlier than expected because the mission was surprisingly easy to handle for them as a group. They once again were all over the news worldwide because they saved lives, they had been globally celebrated superheroes for a while now, but it still was odd to turn the TV on and see footage of the creatures they fought, footage of Tony flying around in his suit, Steve swinging his shield, the Hulk smashing it, and so on. But at least you knew they were returning safely.  
After the obligatory medical check up and paperwork, the team finally returned to the Tower.  
And as usual, they all wanted to cool down on their own, so they usually spent some time at their own apartments after a mission.  
After welcoming your super soldier home, you made some dinner and then, to avoid putting any unnecessary pressure on his bruised ribcage, you offered to sleep on the couch, but he wasn't having any of that. One of the things he always tried avoiding was sleeping in separate beds, it might have been a little old-fashioned but he was convinced that was the first sign of things coming to an end. So you once again managed to somehow fit yourself into his one person bed, comfortably nestled into his arms, the lights were off already and he finished telling you what happened on the mission.  
You didn't know when to tell him you visited Peggy, you didn't want to cause any distress in case he actually wasn't feeling as well as he said. But after laying in comfortable silence for about half an hour, you knew you weren't falling asleep for a reason.  
“Steve?” You murmured quietly, not wanting to wake him if he was sleeping already, but he blinked a few times and hummed, fingertips gently dipping into your back.  
“Hm?” He murmured back, he obviously was sleepy, they never got to sleep a lot when they were away and he was jet-lagged from the long flight. You could tell by the way he was forcing his eyes open.  
“I love you. Sleep well, yeah?” You stated after a few seconds of hesitating, making him yawn a little and look down at you again.  
“I love you too, but that's not what's on your mind.” He retorted quietly, raising his brows just the slightest bit. He just knew you too well.  
“I visited Peggy. Two days after you left. I went to the retirement home and.. well. I talked to her.” You admitted into the dark, sighing to yourself after doing so.  
Steve wasn't expecting that, but he understood right away.  
“I think I was hoping I wouldn't like her. But I needed to talk to her for answers you didn't have.” You explained, turning your head a bit to look up at him.  
“Did you get your answers?” He asked after remaining silent for a while.  
“I did, yes. And it helped a lot. She's a lovely woman, Steve. I think I was hoping I could blame her for what happened, I was hoping I'd dislike her for some reason, but I don't. She really is lovely and I'm glad I got to talk to her. She really helped me.” You whispered, gnawing on your lip when Steve tightened his embrace on you.  
“I think I've made my peace with what happened, Steve.” You added softly, resting your head on his chest until he gently tilted your head up and placed a kiss to your lips.  
You made your peace, you forgave him and you were ready to move on. Because you knew that there was a brighter future ahead of you, and it was with Steve by your side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, that's it!  
> I will upload an Epilogue sometime next week to really finish the story (I have not fully decided what do write in the Epilogue, maybe Peg's funeral/a proposal/a big skip to the future, maybe all of it), but that's it for the actual plot! Once again, thank you so much for enjoying my story!  
> Happy Valentines Day x


End file.
